Analysis of Natural Behavior Unit
by Zelha
Summary: We target serial killers. We are profilers. We will be catching the bad guys one way or the other. Not for the faint of heart, depicts strong scenes like the series that inspired this story. KakaSaku. Definitely AU.


**A/N:** Hello folks. This will be an experiment to recreate one of the series I love the most. Criminal Minds is one hell of a procedural/drama show, and I thought it would be fun to adapt the plot and cast to the Narutoverse, along with a healthy dose of AU. Of course, there's yet another subplot I will explore as well, something the KakaSaku fans will enjoy, I hope. That being said, please sit back and remember: this will NOT be for the kiddies.

**ANBU: ****Analysis of Natural Behavior Unit**

-XxX-

_Case I: __Psychodrama_

-XxX-

"_Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."_ ~ Oscar Wilde

-XxX-

A wonderful smell of coffee broke through the sleepy haze of the man dozing at his desk.

Opening a dark eye, he noticed two of his teammates talking animatedly outside the department. Thankfully for the lazy man, the glass door was closed. Those two were known for their heated arguments.

Especially when Naruto was pulled out of his usual ramen joint for a new assignment. His complaints followed him all the way into the meeting room, where he operated a change that was hard to believe if the man in the desk hadn't seen it with his own eyes.

To be honest, he had to admit that Ino, also, operated a change when in mission mode. She was professional and thorough, and her interaction with the media was the most appropriate for the work they did on a daily basis.

The glass door slid open and the two blondes walked in, accompanied by another person with bright hair.

Nara Shikamaru snorted, dryly amused. Surely that agent was not very much suited for stealth operations, with that bubblegum pink mane of hers. Randomly, he wondered if it was her natural coloring.

Scowling, he sat up when he realized he had been around Naruto way too much if he started thinking like him.

"Your coffee is going to get cold," a murmur-like voice sounded to his left. Raising his eyes, he encountered the technical analyst of the team, smiling.

"Thank you, Hinata. Who's the woman with the loudest duo?"

"Oh! That's the new profiler; she was transferred here from Root. Her name is Haruno Sakura-san, and apparently she's really good with victimology and..."

Shikamaru waited, taking a sip of his wonderfully brewed and prepared coffee. Hinata always trailed off whenever she was about to dish out an interesting or important piece of information.

"It is said in the Agency that she was one of the best in Root. I wonder why she filed for a transfer to here..."

Now that was interesting. Root was known in the Fire Agency of Investigation for being the unit with the most dangerous missions and that dealt with the worst kind of criminals. Led by Assistant Director Danzou, Root was known for their agents: skilled, ruthless, and extremely versatile.

Doctor Nara opened both his eyes and regarded their visitor with attention. She smiled as she spoke with Ino, rolled her eyes as Naruto cracked a joke, and frowned when they told her something pointedly. When the three of them looked towards the closed door he knew who they were talking about.

Hatake Kakashi, the leader of ANBU and the best of the profilers under FAI's roof.

A stern man, with a diamond backbone and incredible leadership skills.

Shikamaru observed how the new profiler squared her shoulders and walked decisively to the closed door, knocking politely before entering.

Dr. Nara smiled crookedly. Their work as serial killer hunters was never boring, but he sensed it was about to get even more frantic.

Too bad he couldn't hear what was happening inside Hatake's office.

-X-

"It's been a while since I last saw you."

"Yes."

"I take Root was too much for you."

"Perhaps."

"Why so curt, Haruno-san?"

"I've been transferred here by orders of Chief Tsunade."

"So you had nothing to do with this," Kakashi waved the paperwork that proclaimed her new assignment. "I take you wanted to remain in your former team."

Emerald eyes flashed with anger, but her face remained composed. "If you must know, my team does not exist anymore. I'm the only one left of it."

Kakashi lowered his hand and regarded the woman sitting in front of him. Nothing had changed since the last time they argued, it seemed. However, _she_ had changed greatly since the last time he had saw her. She was as bright as he remembered, but now there were some stress lines on her face and a certain hardness in her expression marked her as an experienced agent.

A jaded, haunted agent.

"Let's try this for a while," he finally conceded, with a sigh. "I should warn you, though: ANBU is not like Root."

"That's all I ask, Hatake-san."

"We meet in the conference room down this hall in five minutes. I'll introduce you to the team there."

"Fair enough."

"You can use Temari's desk for your things," he added as she stood.

She nodded and bowed gracefully. "Thank you."

As she closed the door, he couldn't help but think how different she was from the eager graduate he had met all those years ago.

-X-

As he walked in the meeting room, Naruto observed two things. One, that the screen was still off; and two, Kakashi wasn't there yet.

He wondered what would happen now that Sakura has been transferred to ANBU.

When he noticed them walking together, a foxy grin spread on his face.

Maybe there was some hope for the unit. And for the man, of course.

"Alright," Kakashi spoke, his tone managing to sound bored but commanding as usual. "This is Haruno Sakura; she will be working with us from now on. Haruno, the ANBU team," he continued, and the rest of them nodded in greeting as he introduced them. "Doctor Nara Shikamaru, Special Agent Yamato Tenzou, Special Agent Uzumaki Naruto, Special Agent Yamanaka Ino, and Special Agent Hyuuga Neji."

"Nice you meet you," she bowed graciously. "Some of you I've met already."

Naruto smiled. "Yeah, we went to the FAI Academy together. She was assigned to Root's Counter-Intelligence Unit and I went to Special Assault Team. It's good to finally work with you, Sakura."

"Likewise," she smiled back.

"I've heard that you were stationed in several countries," Yamato mentioned. "Isn't Haruno Sayuri-sama your mother?"

Sakura's cordial smile dropped instantaneously and her polite façade was back on. "Yes, she is."

"It is strange to have the daughter of such an important ambassador here," Neji added, raising a haughty brow.

"One does not get to choose their family, Hyuuga-san," she replied with a cold smile. He nodded, making the universal hand wave for '_touché.'_

"Ino," Kakashi prompted.

"Uhm, yeah..." she turned the screen on, showing the gruesome pictures of a dead man lying in a pool of blood. "Yukimura Ken, manager of the First National Bank in Iwagakure. Shot in the head during a robbery."

She changed the pictures showing with a press of the remote in her hand. Several images shuffled, showing an amount of people bound and gagged, kneeling on the floor of the bank lobby. "The rest of the people were forced to be like this during the robbery. They described a man in a mask, green eyes and tanned skin, submitted them at gunpoint and ordered them to undress."

"That's a real charmer there," Naruto observed sarcastically.

"Humiliation is another form of power," Neji commented.

"There was also the fact that the unsub shot the bank manager in the head," Shikamaru added, looking bored. "Statistically, there's a certain amount of people that die during a major robbery but the eighty percent of those casualties are the bank security guards."

"There's a psychological link between the security guards that elicits the violent response in those major offenders," Yamato intervened. "The uniforms."

"Yes," Neji nodded, "they see the security guards as those from prison and it triggers the emotional response," his light eyes met Sakura's, but she kept silent. "It's the usual response among repeated felons."

"Textbook type of offenders," Shikamaru approved. "But that doesn't seem to be the case here. The security guards' weren't harmed."

"Let's get on the jet," Kakashi ordered. "We can keep reviewing the case while we get there. Naruto, get Hinata to scan the photos for something unusual."

"I'll call her right now," he nodded, flipping his phone open.

-X-

Sakura really didn't know what to think of the team just yet.

She had seen – and read – Yamato's books about criminal behavior. She had also heard that Neji was the jewel of the team, being one of the best agents and the most experienced, despite his young age. He was a true genius, being an elite member in the FAI since he was about eighteen years old.

Ino and Naruto she knew from the Academy, so no surprises there; but doctor Nara... he really didn't seem to fit... until he spouted those statistics. Another genius in ANBU.

The trip to Rock Country was smooth and without turbulence. Her new teammates seemed to be at ease with the jet, which signified that they would travel in it fairly often.

"Alright, let's split when we get to Iwa," Kakashi instructed. "Naruto and Yamato, you go to the crime scene. Ino, Shikamaru and Sakura, you three will go down to the police station to get briefed by the lead detective and start working on the geographic profile. I will go to the FAI's field offices with Neji and then we'll join you two at the crime scene in order to start the victimology."

"There's something interesting about the positioning of the body," Shikamaru commented, changing the subject. "The submissive position and the ligature marks mean that the unsub gets some sort of fix taking down people with high positions."

"The question is if the unsub would attack people with high social status as well," Neji added, seemingly continuing with a discussion they had had as the meeting at HQ adjourned.

Sakura raised a questioning eyebrow when most of the team directed her eyes to her, deciding not to protest by the blatant mistrust Kakashi displayed by grounding her to the police station. "Trust me: that rumored 'high status' ends with my mother. I'm as penniless as all of you are."

Neji and Yamato chuckled, as Ino flipped open a sleek laptop.

"Alright, Hinata, what did you find?"

"Well... apparently our unsub has been busy," a young woman with pale eyes was speaking on the screen. "I found about fifteen similar cases in Rain, Water and Lightning Country. I'm still expecting for Wind's results."

"And now he's operating in Fire, eh? Not for long," Naruto interjected, making the operator in the screen smile.

"The descriptions seem to fit also," Hinata continued. "Tall male, seemingly between 35 and 55 years old – people seemed to get confused with this when giving the descriptions – with a ski mask covering his face and leaving only his eyes uncovered. Most people agreed with the eye color though. Poisonous green."

Sakura smirked haughtily when Ino winked at her, knowing the blonde was making a mute jab at her own eyes.

"There's also something you need to know," Hinata's light eyes looked pained. "The media has dubbed this unsub as 'the Hero of the Restoration that Iwa needed'."

Ino groaned. "Reporters!" she hissed in frustration, and then looked at Kakashi. "I'll take care of that."

"Alright then," Kakashi nodded, "you all have your orders. Haruno, give your contact number to Hinata and she'll send us the info to our cell phones. We have a serial killer to catch."

-X-

Yamato grimaced as they approached the bank.

"It seems as if they're giving money away," Naruto said, looking aghast with the amount of people surrounding the bank.

"Death attracts a fair number of morbid onlookers," Yamato nodded, as they passed under the police line and flashed their credentials to the officer at the front door. "We're looking for Detective Himura."

The officer opened the door for them. After the merciless sun of Iwagakure, they welcomed the cool air conditioner and the dark insides of the building.

"Good thing you guys arrived," Detective Himura, a redhead with a scar on his face approached them. "I didn't expect you until tomorrow since the roads have been closed due to an avalanche in the canyons."

"We came by plane," Naruto said. "Where's the body?"

Himura nodded, motioning them to the counter. "DB's time of death was about five hours ago, single gunshot to the head."

"Simple termination shot," Yamato commented, as they leaned over the corpse.

"Seems so," Himura said in agreement. "And the body was positioned as you see it after he died, according to the coroner. He seemed to be kneeling here alone, while the rest of the people, tellers and clients, were in the lobby, at the other side of the counter."

"Why to keep the manager apart from the others?" Naruto asked.

"Maybe to get him to open the vault," Yamato speculated. "To this unsub... the money doesn't seem to be his real motive to do this kind of thing."

"What is, then?" Detective Himura asked, looking both disgusted and curious.

"Humiliation."

"Humiliation?"

"Why would he otherwise make people strip?" Naruto asked rhetorically. "It's clear he wants to exert domination over people. Look at this guy here: ligature marks on both wrists, and the position, even if he was moved afterwards, denotes an obvious desire to dominate, to appear powerful in front of these people."

"An unsub with a superiority complex," Yamato mused out loud. "We'll run that by Neji and Shikamaru to see what they think about it. What else?"

"Toxicology and other tests are still being performed, so we're going to keep an eye peeled on that."

"Look at the position of the body again, Yamato," Naruto said, kneeled by it. "Hands together and the knees seem to be bent-look, isn't this the classic pleading position?"

"You're right," the dark-haired agent agreed. "Let's wait for Kakashi and Neji; this seems to be a lot more complicated that a mere bank robbery."

-X-

"Quick question," Sakura said as they rode the black SUV to the police station. Ino was driving. "What does 'unsub' stand for?"

"It means 'unknown subject'," Shikamaru said. "It's better that than to refer to him as 'suspect,' in my opinion.

"Right. I just didn't want to ask about it in the jet. It seems that I'm not very welcome."

"It's not that," Ino explained. "It's just that... we are still in a kind of mourning stage."

Shikamaru scowled. "It's not mourning, you troublesome woman. Temari filed for a transfer thanks to Miyamoto's case."

"And you think it wasn't admission of guilt?" Ino asked, looking more disturbed than angry. "She shot the man point blank!"

"How about we don't talk about it anymore and we agree to disagree?" Shikamaru shot back, exasperated. "Temari is happy in Counter-Terrorism. Case closed."

"Fine, Doctor Nara. But don't come crying when you have the mandatory trip down memory lane when you get to do paperwork with her," Ino said scathingly, pointing at Sakura with her thumb.

"Ino, you're being unnecessarily harsh," Sakura said with a frown of disapproval. "Pull over, we're here. And airing things about former teammates is not very appropriate."

They walked inside the police station in a frosty silence, and Sakura wondered if this was everything she was going to get.

-X-

"Let's start with the basics," Chief Tsunade said behind her crossed arms. In the gigantic screen, her frowning visage seemed to be even sterner than in person.

Both Neji and Kakashi knew that FAICC tended to do that to people. The Fire Agency of Investigation's Communications Center – otherwise known as the bastard sibling of Konoha's MTAC, the finest technological center gathered in Konoha's Military HQ – was also composed of big screens, wonderful connections with field offices all around the globe, plus a very neat and wide arrange of software and programs that helped the FAI stay connected worldwide under the same web of servers.

Kakashi once had Hinata explain to them how the Com-Center worked, and only Shikamaru and Neji understood the myriad of functions the systems had. Luckily for them, their Technical Analyst was one of the handiest in front of a computer.

"This is not the usual bank robber," Neji started. "He seems to be in control of the people psychologically, as they are forced to undress and remain in the lobby while he isolates the bank manager and subjugates him."

"Are you sure this is just one unsub?" Tsunade asked, her golden eyes fixed on Kakashi. He nodded.

"We haven't found any evidence that says otherwise. I have Nara working on the geographic profile. Ino is handling the media and the others are at the crime scene."

"All of the others, even Sakura?" Tsunade smirked, seemingly amused. "Make sure you open your eyes well, Hatake. She's going to be one of your finest. Tsunade out."

The screen went black, and Neji was very hard-pressed not to ask his boss how the hell she knew that Sakura wasn't in the field like the rest.

They remained in silence as Kakashi drove all the way to the crime scene. Neji knew that something was going on regarding the new addition to the team, but if Kakashi wasn't offering an explanation, he might as well forget all about it.

Hell, Kakashi didn't offer explanations about anything that wasn't work related, and it was obvious that the Sakura Issue was nothing of the sort.

As they entered the bank, Neji's eyes went straight to the blond talking animatedly on the phone, frowning immediately when he realized who he was talking with.

"Yeah, so besides the cases in Lightning and Rain and Water Country, were any hits in Wind? ... Yeah, I'll let Kakashi know. I'll call you later, Hinata-chan. Let me kick some psycho ass and we'll talk about that dinner."

"You better behave around my cousin," Neji started reproaching Naruto, but Kakashi interrupted his tirade.

"What did Hinata find in Wind?"

"Yeah, about eight cases of major bank robberies with managers shot to death," Naruto reported. "This case is weird."

"More than weird," Yamato agreed. "The unsub was very careful not to leave any fingerprints but had no qualms to show his eyes to his hostages."

"And the pleading position he forced upon the managers," Naruto added. "Hinata said that only once in Wind he seemed to lose control and fired against a middle-aged security guard."

Kakashi perked up. "Was that security guard in uniform?"

Naruto shrugged. "I'll ask Hinata."

"Alright, let's gather the photos and head to the station," Kakashi sighed. "We'll add them to Nara's findings and start on the profile."

-X-

"You seem very engrossed in those crayons," Sakura said tonelessly. Shikamaru only shrugged one shoulder, without taking his eyes from the map he was working on.

"The geographic profile will help us," he explained. "Sometimes there's a pattern in the locations of the crimes. Subconsciously, unsubs tend to work inside of what we call a comfort zone."

"And you will find that comfort zone, yes?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds interesting," Sakura said, as Ino flopped on a seat and sighed heavily.

"Restoration Hero my ass," she snarled. "Iwa's media has a really dark sense of humor. Now I know why Hinata seemed so troubled with this. People here regard the unsub as if he's some sort of hero because he's robbing from the banks instead of people."

"Pffft," Sakura snorted. "Let's see how they feel when the banks declare bankruptcy and they find themselves without their life savings. This is just like the snowball starting to slide down the slope."

"How so?" Yamato asked in a curious tone from the entrance of the conference room, as the entire team finally reunited. "Can you explain that?"

"It seems to me that the unsub's real target is the _economy_ in Iwa," Sakura said, her eyes watching Shikamaru's continental map. "Think about it, he targets primary banks and he doesn't even follow up to the Restoration Hero charade; you know, returning the money to some charity foundation or whatever. I really wonder if he managed to make the other's countries' economies drop."

Kakashi dialed a number on the phone that rested on the large mahogany table. "Hinata, try to investigate how the bank robberies affected the countries' economies."

"I'm on it, sir," Hinata's voice came out of the speaker. "There was something else I found..."

"Did you search for ex-employers of the banks and city halls that had access to bank blueprints and records?" Yamato asked.

"Yes, and I found nothing," she reported. "I did find, however, a clinic that deals with bank employees with stress."

"A stressed bank employee?" Sakura asked, furrowing her brows. "That really doesn't seem like our guy."

"How can you be so sure?" Kakashi asked. "We don't know anything about this unsub. He might be under a lot of stress that triggers his compulsion for the robbery."

She directed her eyes at the pictures that Naruto was finishing putting up on the large board and braced herself, knowing that Kakashi would push her buttons until she cracked under the pressure. "Because these scenes aren't the usual leftovers of some stressed psychopath. Look there," she pointed to a picture of another crime scene in Rain, "it seems that the unsub enjoys staging his scenes, he doesn't fall into a rage and slaughter everybody like a normal psycho that gives into his stress."

She stood and walked to the board. "I had a case in Root where we dealt with a sociopath that threatened to blow Konoha's Hokage Tower, claiming he had to become the Hokage instead of our current one." A shadow crossed Sakura's face, remembering. "We found out that the target was the chief of the campaign of the guy that lost the primary elections. The profile was of a man that was an overachiever, an ambitious subject that planned to rule the Fire Country from the shadows and having the candidate as his mouthpiece."

"So you think this unsub might be an overachiever," Neji said, his tone pensive.

"Yes. There's too much site staging and the fact that only the bank managers are the ones that die – even if he forces the rest to submit and humiliates them – when he could easily provoke a bloodbath on each scene. I think the main motive for this unsub is greed. Pure and simple greed."

"Hm," Yamato narrowed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, contemplative. "No money has been found from any of the robberies."

"The serials of the bills were broadcasted around the whole continent through Konoha's MTAC," Neji added. "Agencies in other countries are looking into them as we speak."

"So this unsub is a money hoarder, a psychopath and what, an obsessive compulsive?" Naruto asked. Sakura tilted her head to a side for a moment, and then nodded.

"Seems so," she said with a grimace. "This is not the usual textbook psychopath. I might even venture he doesn't have a psychosis but has a sociopathic disorder instead. He seems not to show any remorse and even forces the managers into a pleading position. The psychopath takes pleasure from humiliation, but the undressing hostages... seems to me that he knows what's he's doing."

"And he's trying to throw us off!" Naruto completed.

"Statistics say that there are a higher percentage of sociopaths with a high IQ than individuals with psychopathic disorder, because the former are more controlled than the latter," Shikamaru said, capping up the marker he was using on the large map pinned to the wall. "I'll find the pattern in a few minutes."

"Hinata?" Kakashi asked, and the phone speaker squeaked.

"Yes, sir!"

"Cross-reference with the Immigration Department: people that have been in the five countries in the last year-"

"And have some sort of interest toward the economy of said countries," Yamato added.

"Immigration should give you a ton of hits, but try to narrow it to people who have claimed to be business men, stock market investors, or declared they were coming to sightsee with intentions to change residencies," Neji said.

"This kind of guy should also have a bit of a short temper, but should have enacted a great deal of control not to snap in the psychology interview for the visa and blow his façade," Shikamaru said without taking his eyes off of the map.

"And you might try to search for people who's interested in moving to the country and working in the financial world," Naruto concluded.

"Can I add something?" Sakura asked, and Yamato waved his hand invitingly towards the phone. "Hinata-san, can you look for people who refused to declare how much money they were carrying when they entered the country?"

"But if they refuse, customs officers would detain them for questioning," Kakashi objected. She nodded.

"However, our unsub might have claimed the Fourth Amendment, since all the countries passed the bill not so long ago," Sakura replied easily, a shadow of pain obscuring her face for a moment. "Not all the countries, however, have approved the Border Search Exception, and the guy's passport should have enough stamps to make out a timeline and find out where is he hiding all the money."

Kakashi stared at Sakura for a moment, then, "Do as she says, Hinata."

"Yes sir, I'm on it," the demure tech replied, "I'll call when I have more information."

Sakura noticed that Naruto was grinning at her. "What now?"

The blond flashed his broadest and smuggest smile. "Now, we give the profile to the media."

She smirked faintly as she followed the team out of the conference room to gather the policemen. Perhaps, this would be the new beginning she asked Tsunade for.

-X-

"We're looking for a traveler, a man between thirty-five and sixty years old that has been passing as a tourist with intentions to change residencies," Kakashi started.

"He might appear indifferent to anything but the economy section in the newspaper," Naruto said. "He can show a great deal of interest in the business sector, such as where the most important banks and the stock market buildings are."

"He is also very organized, very intelligent. He can carry on a conversation about the economic recession with great skill because he _knows_ what he's talking about," Yamato added.

"He has also a remarkably short temper when someone disagrees with him," Neji explained. "This marks our unsub as highly volatile and dangerous. Be careful when approaching or talking to him."

"And where should we look for him?" Detective Himura asked.

"Try to look for him in the business district; places where stock investors and brokers might gather to compare notes about the day's events in the market, maybe bars and posh cafés," Sakura answered smoothly. "Bear in mind that he might not look like a business man in appearance, but he's well-versed in the terminology."

"We will be releasing this information to the media as soon as we convince the reporters that he is no vigilante and certainly not a hero; a hotline will be placed just in case a member of the public noticed something," Ino added professionally.

"Please remember that this man has a weapon with him, and discretion is imperative if you spot him," Kakashi concluded. "Thank you."

As the police officers broke the gathering, Himura walked towards the ANBU team.

"Do you think this profile will work?" he asked. "It seems a bit too generic; tons of people would fit it. Even most stock brokers go to work wearing informal clothing."

"Yeah, you're right," Naruto said. "But adding up to all the characteristics we explained tell this guy apart from the others."

The redheaded Detective furrowed his slanted eyebrows. "Which is?"

"He will not show any emotion until he is provoked," Neji answered for the blond as he waved his ringing cell phone and stepped aside. "A sociopath doesn't smile or show remorse of any kind."

"And apparently," Naruto added, blue eyes bright with eagerness, "we have our guy."

Everybody gathered around the phone as Hinata spoke through the speaker.

"I found something," she reported. The quality of the phone line was so smooth that they could hear her fingers typing swiftly on her keyboard. "A week ago, a customs officer reported a heated argument from a passenger of a plane that landed from Sand, who refused to be searched and to declare how much money he was carrying, but had no problem with the rest of his luggage. He also had one of those new metal briefcases that set every metal scanner off, and since it was in the middle of the rush hour they didn't ask him for a revision."

"He might be our guy," Kakashi commented. "Do you have a name, Hinata?"

"Yes, but there's more," she said, stumbling over her words as she got more frantic. "The customs officer said that the guy claimed to be an investor that wanted to set up shop in the country, but kept silent for a long moment when the officer asked what kind of shop he wanted to put up. The officer remembered to report this because it seemed strange for him not to answer immediately when being asked about a business."

"He's trying to cover up," Yamato interjected. "Is there anything else on that report?"

"Yes, the officer wrote that the passenger, when putting his passport away, showed a completely empty wallet – no credit cards, no driver's license, not even a business card – and walked away in a hurry. The curious thing was the next passenger: the woman complained that the man didn't stop grumbling and muttering things during the flight, and when someone asked him about the magazine he was reading, he started a harsh speech about how ridiculously bad the recession was for the countries and blamed everything on the high bank rates."

Sakura frowned. "That's not the behavior of someone that comes to the country wanting to settle and work here."

"There's something else," Hinata's voice shook nervously. "The man was dressed in a very thick, long black coat, something impossible to wear in Wind country."

Ino's eyes widened. "The sun rays would have been absorbed by the dark color and he could basically faint from a heatstroke or dehydration."

"You're right," Shikamaru said. "There's a high percentage of people suffering from heatstroke, sunburns, and severe dehydration during the summer months in Sand every year."

"Hinata, calm down," Kakashi prompted gently. "Tell us the name, now."

"The passenger's name is Takashiro Kakuzu, I sent you the picture already."

"Ugh," Ino commented as she pulled the paper sheet from the printer. "No wonder he's hiding his face with a mask."

Turning the picture and pinning it to the board, the ANBU team finally got a look at their unsub.

"He's from Waterfall, graduated with honors in business, lost three jobs in a row for demanding promotions..."

"No boss would want to promote someone that demands it," Naruto mused.

"Yes, and all the places he worked at got robbed in a week, a few months after he was fired from his last job. He's 64 years old, over six feet tall, black hair and those... scars on his face," Hinata's voice was a whisper now; she sounded quite scared. "He looks..."

"Like someone with nothing to lose," Neji completed. "To compensate for a life full of shortcomings, he now wants to unseat all the economical structures."

"And by the looks of it, he also projects all the rage from the rejection towards all the bank managers - his former bosses," Yamato nodded.

"Do you have an address, Hinata?" Kakashi pressed, and Hinata squeaked.

"Y-yes sir, he rented an apartment right across the street from the First National Bank."

"The crime scene!" Naruto exclaimed. "He'll go there again for sure!"

"Now, now, Naruto, with all the police after his tail do you actually think he would come back to the scene?" Sakura asked perplexedly, tilting her head.

"Why not? He had robbed banks all over the continent; he had to put all the money somewhere? Why not in that very bank?"

"And robbing the bank would only ensure that the country's monetary fund would replace the amount that was stolen to compensate the clients," Neji said, nodding in approval.

"The-there's a se-security clause in the Iwa's ba-bank contract that establishes they would refund all the money even if they don't have the bills - with properties or jewelry from the National Treasure," Hinata read through the phone. "It's the only bank I know that has a clause of that nature."

Yamato's dark eyes fixed on Sakura. "Congratulations, you broke your first case."

Sakura's smile was feral when she stood. "You can congratulate me when you get the guy away from me after I break both his legs."

A dark chuckle rippled through the team as they hurried towards the exit.

-X-

The man observed the three women kneeling in the lobby in front of him, only wearing their undergarments. They were crying out of embarrassment and humiliation, but the third one simply stared ahead, too much in shock to acknowledge anything else.

Out of the four males – plus the new bank manager – two of them were cowering in a corner, one was deep in shock like the woman and the fourth was glaring directly at him as the man walked back and forth collecting the money from the tellers' drawers.

"You better put your eyes somewhere else," Kakuzu said coldly. "Surely you can find the scenario in front of you much more endearing than me."

The glaring man glanced to the half-naked women in front of him and decided not to say anything, knowing that the tall man in the mask gripped a large gun in his hand.

"Now, I'm sure you know what's next, manager-san," the tall criminal fixed his green eyes on the trembling man, "if you would be so kind to open the vault, I would consider refraining from killing you."

The manager nodded, and Kakuzu took that as permission to haul the poor man and throwing him over the counter towards the vault.

Checking his watch, he calculated about five minutes to finish the job and return home via the sewers.

Since he was the only one that had knowledge of that secret passage under his building, everything was okay.

-X-

Naruto took over the operation by a tacit order of his Unit Chief as they rode the SUVs at top speed.

"Alright: Neji, Yamato, you guys to through the back. I'm going through the front while Kakashi and Sakura take the other entrance," he said as he struggled to fasten the white vest that most law enforcement agencies knew was basically ANBU's trademark. "Security cameras show the guy in a black trench-coat and a mask covering all his face; he also has a nine millimeter in his right hand." Naruto finished his instruction as he flipped open his phone. "Speak to me, Hinata-chan. Yeah, I promise. Okay."

Sakura smirked from her seat at the back as she double-checked her gun.

Hook, line, and sinker.

-X-

Kakuzu finished his heist promptly and vanished as soon as he shot the manager.

Among anguished screams from the women and calls for help from the men, he disappeared in the back office and ran down the stairs to the bank's basement. There, he dropped to the sewers and made a long detour until he felt it was safe to come back to his apartment.

He couldn't wait for the police to show up at the crime scene, _his_ crime scene.

The wall that concealed the secret passage was like he left it: dusty and covered with mold. Pressing on the right block, he could pull a section of the wall until he found himself in the basement of the apartment building he lived in.

Grinning under his mask, he hefted the large bag that contained the money he had just subtracted from the bank's bottom line and went up the stairs swiftly, missing the shadow that observed his movements from a dark corner.

He was almost there. He had gathered enough money to go to Moon Island and build a palace. Maybe he could purchase an entire island; somewhere far and uncharted, then he could shoot natives for sport and hang them as if they had been victims of cannibals.

Maybe he could kidnap a few girls and torture them in the privacy of his island.

Or maybe he could just round up a few homeless kids and kill them one by one, trying different methods.

As he reached the fourth floor, he reached for the key in his pocket. Yes, everything was good, and the police would know nothing.

And Iwa's economy would drop like an angry meteor in the desert.

Entering his apartment, he found two odd things: one, his chair had been turned facing the door – while he was _sure_ he had left it facing the window, he planned to enjoy the show as soon as he got home – and two, there was a blond man sitting in it.

"Who the fuck are you?" he asked tonelessly. "You have two seconds to leave or I'm calling the police."

The man's blue eyes glinted with amusement. "Go ahead, call. I'm not doing anything wrong."

Kakuzu's hand went for his gun, but the cold feeling of metal at both his temples made him pause.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," a dark whisper dropped in his ear.

"You might get hurt, Kakuzu-san," a cold, haughty voice sounded in his other ear.

"And our fingers might slip," a female growl sounded in his back, as two more cold barrels pressed against the back of his neck.

Naruto smiled widely. "So, about that call to the police," he taunted. "How about if we make the call while our dear Sakura-chan takes care of you?"

Kakuzu only felt a harsh, painful pressure on his knees before he found himself facedown on the floor, as a pair of small hands applied the handcuffs on his wrists.

"So you like to kill bank managers as you hoard like a squirrel for the winter, mmm?" a smooth, dark drawl said as the hands pulled him into a sitting position. Kakuzu found himself surrounded by five white-vested people.

"How the fuck did you find me?" he snarled. "My plan was perfect!"

"No so perfect though," the silver-haired man continued. "Your big mouth ran away from you and sold you out."

"Didn't you know that for a good investment, the first thing advised is discretion?" the pink-haired female raised her eyebrows. "Business 101, jackass."

Kakuzu snarled, but knew he was done for.

They didn't even cover his disfigured face when they dragged him out of the building.

He could imagine the headlines already: the Restoration Hero is a monster.

-X-

"Nice move when you neutralized him, Sakura," Naruto complimented, impressed. "It seems like Root show you some tricks, huh? Can you show me sometime?"

Sakura laughed, feeling more tired that she was willing to admit. "If I show you I might have to kill you, Naruto."

"Oh come on! You made it seem so easy!" he cajoled, missing the flash of warning in her eyes. "What was that, Kyoshukan? Judo?"

"It's a Kendo movement," Kakashi said from his seat. "Only she performed it without the sword."

"Oh... neat!" Naruto carried on, not noticing the angry flush that covered Sakura's features as she glared at their team leader. "What I don't get is why this guy shot that security guard in Wind."

"Easy," the clinical voice belonging to Neji Hyuuga floated from his seat. "The security guard suffered from the same illness. Greed."

"We received the report that the guard tried to pocket some bills and this was enough reason for Kakuzu to snap," Yamato said, filling the blanks.

Naruto made a face. "Disgusting."

"Horrifying," Ino mocked.

"But basic," Shikamaru said. "It's well known that bank robbers are mostly caught by the police because they tend to hurry and spend all the money as soon as possible. This guy, however, he could have gone for years - as he did, actually - without spending a single stolen dime because of his compulsion."

"So! How was your first day at work, Sakura?" Ino asked eagerly, flipping her long hair so quickly that it smacked on Shikamaru's face. "Like it so far?"

Sakura smiled faintly and nodded, but Ino had seen through her façade.

"Come on, Forehead! Elaborate!"

This time Sakura did laugh, although her eyebrows showed a mild scowl. "You haven't called me Forehead since the Academy," she said with a sweet voice that made Naruto squeak. "I'm sure you haven't forgotten how I retaliated back then, Ino-chan."

"Aw, you wouldn't dare," the blonde shot back. Sakura raised a manicured eyebrow.

"Let's just say that Shino-san would find that story quite interesting, don't you think?"

Naruto laughed as Ino huffed and went to the bathroom in a pique.

"You surely know how to press people's buttons, Sakura-san," Yamato teased. "Welcome to ANBU."

"I might know how to press their buttons, but I choose not to," she answered politely. "Thank you. I'm looking forward to work with you in the future."

Yamato smiled, now noticing that the veiled barb she threw was aimed at the man sitting at his side. Said man only glanced at her and fixed his gaze on the jet's window.

Kakashi was positive that this situation would bite him in the ass whenever he least expected.

He _almost_ looked forward to it.

-XxX-

"_The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours, but that this humiliation is seen by everyone."_ ~ Milan Kundera

-XxX-

**A/N:** Bet you didn't see that coming. No ninjas, no flashy fights and certainly, no teary-eyed manga-related plot. Uhm, somehow. Not in this story, and I might not come back to the Mangaverse FYI. EVER.

I have been all fired up by Omizu into writing this after tons of conversations where we fangirled about Dr. Reid and how awesome the Criminal Minds series is. My mind – and muse – was of course hell-bent on this series. This is for you, my darling. I hope you enjoy it.

I took my time investigating a few US laws and amendments in order to make this a bit more complex than the corresponding CM episode. Adapting Naruto to the real world has been quite entertaining for me, if somewhat baffling in some parts. I'm sure I will gain more confidence as the unsubs parade forward, bwahaha.

As always, I have to thank my dearest beta MelissaRose85 for her thorough proofreading skills, and to you guys for reading.

Onto the next one!


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